Feeling dodgy…

Right, was out at a work do. Had plans on making a move on a fine-looking thing I’d been after for months, who’d just broken up with the fella. I get too drunk. She asks me, randomly, at one stage should we get our coats. I say, “Sure why would we do that there’s an hour left before the bar closes!” and keep dancing. Her sister is standing beside us and flips at me for being so thick… before realising how drunk I truly am and laughing it off…

Aaanyway, the club had ended and the girl was gone. As I’m getting my coat, a large girl who I had rejected a few months ago (with the words, “Awww scarlet for ya young one!”… I’m bad at rejections…) approaches me and asks if I was getting stuck into the fine thing. I said no. She said that the fine thing told her she was mad about me and that there was a party back in her’s where I could hook up with the fine thing once and for all.

Of course, I get back there and it’s just her and I sitting in her front room… her mam, who also worked with us, was asleep upstairs. She assures me that people are on their way and, in the meantime, keeps ploughing me with Aftershock. Eventually I realise what the story is and… short of options and high on horniness, I say, “Right, come on, let’s go to the jacks…” where we start messing around. Problem was, she moaned LOUDLY during this, prompting her ma to come down and say, “What’s going on in there?!”

She thinks on her feet and says that I’m getting sick and she’s just making sure I’m okay. So I turn around and pretend to get sick as she opens the bathroom door… forgetting to pull my jeans up from my ankles. Then, staring at the toilet bowl now and thinking about what I’d done, I actually get sick.

I must’ve stayed in that toilet for a good half an hour… waiting for the ma to go to bed so I could make a dignified exit. But nope, I could hear them making cups of tea and chatting, somberly, in the sitting room. So… not wanting to wait around much longer… I did the only thing that made sense in my drunken head: pull up my trousers and make a dash for the front door!

Needless to say, many embarrassing moments occured between the girl, her ma and I over the next few weeks. Fortunately, she was sacked from the job not too long afterwards. Score one for the recession!