Bad Dates and Score Stories

You snooze, you lose…

baddatesandscorestories — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 12:37:31 +0000

The worst date I have ever been on was with a friend of a friend that I had met at a birthday party. This guy got my number from our mutual friend and started texting me the day after the party.

Eventually, after about 4 days he asked me out on a date and I agreed. He lived down the country so we arranged to meet in a bar in Dublin on a Friday evening (he was coming up for the weekend anyway) and the plan was to go for a bite to eat and then drinks. I got to the meeting place and, my first impression was that he was a little tipsy, but obviously didnt say anything.

A few mins into the conversation he decides he doesnt want food, “lets just go drinking” he said. Ok I thought, bit strange as it was only 6pm and a bit early to go on the beer for the night, but I just went with it and ordered another. Not long into the date I realised that this guy was not only drunk but was a plonker.

What the heck did I see in him in the first place? After about an hour I excused myself to go “powder my nose”. I swiftly wipped out the mobile phone and after making the “emergency, get me out of here call” to my friend went back out to him in the bar. When I got back to the table I nearly died. The drunken gobshite had fallen asleep on the chair with his head on the table. I was beyond embarrassment so just grabbed my coat and legged it!

I’m not sure how long he snoozed there for, or if he paid the drinks bill but I didn’t bother finding out. He tried calling me later in the evening but I just kept rejecting his calls. He then sent a text the next day to say how sorry he was, that he obviously had a few cans on the train on the way up and didnt realise how tired he was! Whaaaaaaaaaat? Gobshite!!

Don’t see a great night…

baddatesandscorestories — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 15:13:22 +0000

Well one time about 7/8 years ago I used to hang around with a completely different group of people and this one weird misguided girl used to like me. I didn’t realise that she had a very small tolerence for alcohol and she would follow me to the bar everytime I went and would buy herself a drink everytime I would buy one…

Anyway when we were leaving a niteclub she collapsed and we had to bring her to hospital to get pumped.. she must have had 4 alcopops! that was one of the scariest things ever though!

Planning ahead…

baddatesandscorestories — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 14:30:11 +0000

The worst thing that ever happened to me was this – I brought a girl I had been seeing for about a week to the cinema, I paid for everything, then during the previews she broke up with me…

Then it turned out she had told all her friends she was gonna break up with me at the cinema, and they were sitting right behind us…

So the only way I could get back at her, and make her feel as awkward as possible, was stay and watch the whole movie!

A little trickle…

baddatesandscorestories — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 15:33:01 +0000

Met a girl one night in college, fancied her for ages, I walked her home and we’d a beer on her sofa, after hours of groundwork we snogged, happy days I was over the moon, being a gentleman I cuddled up and we fell asleep on the couch.

About an hour later I was awoken to her taking a pee in the middle of the living room floor, sleep peeing I think the medical folk call it. I made my excuses and left having taken her to the bathroom. She could never look me in the face again.

Away with the fairies…

baddatesandscorestories — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 15:26:12 +0000

I met this guy out one night and agreed to meeting him again for a drink due to his total hotness and from what I can remember his nice personality. We went to a pub in a hotel down the country and this is when I realised the chap was seriously disturbed. Here is just a short list of some of the random things he said:

He hates all black people even tho he has black cousins (but he isn’t
racist).
He has been on four peace keeping missions but has peace-keeped in all African countries. As far as I’m aware there are more than four countries in Africa.
He hates Americans.
He hates Australians and they hate us cos we mess up their beaches.
African people are evil (yes he used the word evil) and talk to you through their eyes ( I should have left myself at this stage).
The mafia in Thailand hold Irish people on the ground and stuff drugs down their mouths and take pics and give them to the police.
He likes to go canoeing in the lakes of Mullingar on his own at night time.
He goes to see his grandmother in Barcelona twice every two years (would this not be easier to say once a year?!?).
He hates Mullingar (he is from there).
He hates Niall Breslin but seems to know way too much about him for my liking and maintains that only people in Mullingar, Dublin and Cork know who the Blizzards are.
He nearly fell off his chair when a kid walked behind him.
He kept scratching himself and was real jumpy if a fly landed on him or anything.

Oh also he said he was going to the toilet and went home – did I mention that?

Crazy, crazy boy….

A night at the pictures…

baddatesandscorestories — Thu, 28 May 2009 09:28:37 +0000

I met this guy through a work colleague on a night out about two years ago, and he text me a week later to ask me on a date, we arranged to go out the following weekend, but he ended up cancelling the evening five times – he then asked me out on a 6th attempt and I went. We met in town and he brought me to Arnott’s food mall for dinner!! We were at the counter – he just walked ahead and didn’t even offer to pay. And then we went to the cinema and I had to buy my own ticket.

But it didn’t stop there. We went into the cinema and I thought one of the Guinness ads was actually a film preview. I turned to him and was like ‘that looks so scary’. SAP! So after that embarrassment, we watched the show, left and he only spoke seven words to me “ok so, i’ll be talking to you”. I blame the chord jacket I wore. Disgrace.

Feeling dodgy…

baddatesandscorestories — Mon, 25 May 2009 22:14:13 +0000

Right, was out at a work do. Had plans on making a move on a fine-looking thing I’d been after for months, who’d just broken up with the fella. I get too drunk. She asks me, randomly, at one stage should we get our coats. I say, “Sure why would we do that there’s an hour left before the bar closes!” and keep dancing. Her sister is standing beside us and flips at me for being so thick… before realising how drunk I truly am and laughing it off…

Aaanyway, the club had ended and the girl was gone. As I’m getting my coat, a large girl who I had rejected a few months ago (with the words, “Awww scarlet for ya young one!”… I’m bad at rejections…) approaches me and asks if I was getting stuck into the fine thing. I said no. She said that the fine thing told her she was mad about me and that there was a party back in her’s where I could hook up with the fine thing once and for all.

Of course, I get back there and it’s just her and I sitting in her front room… her mam, who also worked with us, was asleep upstairs. She assures me that people are on their way and, in the meantime, keeps ploughing me with Aftershock. Eventually I realise what the story is and… short of options and high on horniness, I say, “Right, come on, let’s go to the jacks…” where we start messing around. Problem was, she moaned LOUDLY during this, prompting her ma to come down and say, “What’s going on in there?!”

She thinks on her feet and says that I’m getting sick and she’s just making sure I’m okay. So I turn around and pretend to get sick as she opens the bathroom door… forgetting to pull my jeans up from my ankles. Then, staring at the toilet bowl now and thinking about what I’d done, I actually get sick.

I must’ve stayed in that toilet for a good half an hour… waiting for the ma to go to bed so I could make a dignified exit. But nope, I could hear them making cups of tea and chatting, somberly, in the sitting room. So… not wanting to wait around much longer… I did the only thing that made sense in my drunken head: pull up my trousers and make a dash for the front door!

Needless to say, many embarrassing moments occured between the girl, her ma and I over the next few weeks. Fortunately, she was sacked from the job not too long afterwards. Score one for the recession!

Ten’s a crowd…

baddatesandscorestories — Sat, 23 May 2009 09:34:06 +0000

Right ok. My story is one that I used to tell my friends and burn the ear off them with a few years ago. To shorten the start we were meant to go on a family holiday to Ballybunion (sad) in 2002. My dad had an accident so it was cancelled but on the Wednesday he said we should go, but it ended up as me, my sister, my mom and dad. I went exploring (ie. to the pub) and got chatting to a barmaid who had a really hot English accent.

Turned out she had a boyfriend. So I told her the story of the accident, late arrival on the holiday (we arrived on September 2nd (this becomes important in a sec). She said a friend of hers in the pub across the road had seen a psychic at some stupid fair in Ballybunion, who said she would meet her dream man in August.

She also read a bit deeper by saying that since I was meant to have been there in August I might be that guy. So off I went on a dare to chat this girl up. She was pretty chatty and said she would meet me for a drink the following night but only in the bar where she worked. 9pm came the following day. No sign. 9.30. No sign.

She then rang to say she would be a bit late as she was at a family BBQ. At this stage my parents arrived into the bar and I had to make my excuses that I met a friend I used work with and was gonna meet him there. Not sure they bought it but it was embarrassing. She eventually arrived at half 10. With… 10 of her friends and very drunk.

She talked to me a little bit but kept running off to her friends and I was left looking embarrassed and hiding my shame from my parents who had sat at the back of the bar. This went on for 2 hours and thinking I probably wouldn’t get so much as a shift out of this date, I approached her to say I was leaving. She said sorry and to come to the local nightclub with her.

I did. I offered her a drink etc. but she said she was ok. I then got a bit pissed off but thought hang in there, just get a shift so the night won’t be a total disaster. She was then talking to a guy I thought was one of her friends, but a girl told me it was her ex boyfriend. I kept with it and then went to get myself a drink to kill the frustration.

I then turned to the dance floor. Only to see her… shifting her ex boyfriend. I could have killed her. Anyhoops. I finished my drink and to get my own back I took her cardigan that she had left over in a corner when I was going back to the house i was staying at. I dumped it. Hahahah. She text to say she was really sorry the following day as I was going back to limerick… blah blah blah.

She also asked if I had seen her top. Obviously didn’t tell her but how embarrassing of a date was that?

Odd one out…

baddatesandscorestories — Fri, 15 May 2009 21:17:36 +0000

This isn’t as much a horror story as it is hilarious.

The morning after one of my brother’s house parties in Galway, me and two mates were in a bedroom snoozing. So there was three of us and one bird that one of the lads had scored (pretty hot-bonus!!) the girl left the room and returned with some outrageously drunk chick, this was at 10 in the morning and she still drinking wine from a Pringles box (classy bird).

She managed to put together the sentence ”we WANT a foursome………. but not YOU” pointing to the mate that was lying on the floor beside the bed.

DENIED!!

I nearly died laughing!

Flying solo…

baddatesandscorestories — Fri, 15 May 2009 17:18:46 +0000

A few years ago I was texting this girl I had met out. A few days later I was out at a work do and needless to say free bar and drink was flowing, I started texting her and decided to meet her. I left the do and I met her at a bar – I was pissed and her stone cold sober.

I was so drunk, we had one drink and went back to hers which was close to the bar. We started getting frisky, but she said she wouldn’t sleep with me. Instead some heavy petting went on.

She was not doing much for me so I decided to go at it myself. So there I am pissed out of my head knocking one off in front of this (sober) girl I barely know. She even went to the jacks and came back with the bog roll with a less than pleased expression.

Its a pretty sick story and it doesn’t put me in a good light but I am not a bad person! I made my exit the next morning worse for wear and never saw that girl again.